12 signs a relationship is not right even if nothing is wrong


Sometimes, even if everything seems okay in your relationship, you might feel like something is not quite right. Here is a guide to help you dig a bit deeper and figure out if your relationship is truly right for you. It is not always about big arguments or clear issues; sometimes, it is the subtle signs that tell the real story. Read on to discover 12 signs that might indicate your relationship is not as healthy or satisfying as you deserve.

  1. Your goals for the future do not align

When you think about your future, can you picture your partner there with you? If your big plans and dreams seem very different and you can not find ways to meet in the middle, this might suggest deep-seated differences that could make it tough for your relationship to last. Successful relationships often need shared goals or dreams.

  1. You find yourself more interested in other people

Do you often catch yourself feeling attracted to other people, not just romantically but also wanting to talk and connect with them more than your partner? This could be a hint that your relationship is not fulfilling all your needs. It is not just about finding others attractive but it is about seeking deeper or more enjoyable conversations and connections elsewhere.

In “The Relationship Cure” by John Gottman, he suggests that a core component of healthy relationships is a deep emotional connection that satisfies both partners’ needs for companionship and understanding. If you are consistently looking outward, it might mean that these needs are not being met within your current relationship, leading you to seek fulfillment elsewhere.

  1. You frequently disagree on important topics

It is okay to think differently from each other sometimes, but if you are always clashing over big issues like your core beliefs or major life choices, this could be a sign that you are not very compatible. When it’s tough to agree on important things, your relationship might not have the harmony it needs to last a long time.

  1. You feel drained or negative after spending time together

Spending time with your partner should make you feel good, not tired or down. If you often feel worn out or unhappy after hanging out together, this might mean there is something off with how you connect emotionally. A good relationship should make you feel energized, not the opposite.

  1. You have grown, but they have not

Growth is important in life, including in relationships. If you feel like you have changed a lot, maybe you have become more mature, got a better job, or just started understanding yourself better—but your partner has not changed much, this could create a gap between you. Over time, this gap might get harder to close.

The book “The Road Less Traveled” by M. Scott Peck discusses how personal growth is essential for healthy relationships. Peck explains that when one partner grows and the other does not, it can lead to feelings of disconnect and dissatisfaction.

  1. You often think what it would be like to be single

Do you find yourself wondering often about being single? If you are daydreaming about what life would be like without your partner, it might mean you’re missing the freedom or experiences that come with not being in a relationship. This could show that you are not completely happy in your current situation or that you feel held back.

In “The Wisdom of a Broken Heart” by Susan Piver, she explores how such thoughts can signify that something essential might be missing in your relationship. If you are frequently imagining a single life, it suggests that your current partnership might not be meeting your needs for independence or happiness. 

  1. You do not care enough to argue

When you stop caring enough to even argue or talk things through, it is a warning sign. If you are feeling indifferent about resolving differences, it might mean you are pulling away emotionally, and the relationship isn’t as important to you as it used to be.

In the book “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay” by Mira Kirshenbaum, the author points out that indifference is often a stronger indicator of a relationship’s demise than conflict. If you are no longer interested in working through issues or engaging in meaningful conversations, it’s likely that your connection has weakened significantly.

  1. There is continued lack of intimacy

Intimacy is not just about being close physically but it is also about feeling connected emotionally. If you notice that both types of closeness are missing for a long time, it could mean you are losing your bond with each other. This might show that your relationship is not as deep or emotionally rich as it should be.

  1. You do not miss them when you are apart

If you notice that you do not miss your partner when they are not around, or you feel happier alone than when they are with you, it is important to think about why. Not missing someone you are supposed to love is not usual in a strong, healthy relationship.

This feeling might be telling you that you are more comfortable or more yourself without your partner. It is a good idea to reflect on these feelings, as they can indicate whether you truly feel connected and valued in your relationship.

  1. You start to feel irritated by everything they do

When you start getting annoyed by little things your partner does, it might mean you are feeling unhappy or resentful in the relationship. It is a good idea to think about why these small things are bothering you so much. 

Talking about these feelings with your partner can help clear the air. Sometimes, just understanding why you feel a certain way can make things better.

  1. They are not the first person you go to with good news

In a strong relationship, your partner is often the first person you want to tell about anything new, whether it is good or bad. If you are more eager to share news with a friend or family member instead of your partner, it could mean you are feeling less connected to them. 

It is worth taking some time to figure out why this might be happening. Opening up to your partner about these feelings can help you both understand each other better and work on strengthening your bond.

  1. You feel like they are getting in the way of the life you could have

If you feel like your relationship is stopping you from reaching your dreams or you often think about how life might be without your partner, this is a big sign. Your partner should be someone who supports and enhances your life, not someone who feels like they are in the way. 

It is important to talk about these feelings with your partner to see if things can improve. Together, you might find ways to support each other’s dreams and grow stronger as a couple.


Noticing these signs can be tough, and it does not always mean you should break up right away. But it is important to take your feelings seriously and think about whether your relationship is really making you happy.

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