13 reasons why do some men pull away when they are falling in love


You have been seeing this guy for a while, and just as you start to feel like things are getting serious, he begins to pull away. Suddenly, he is not as quick to return your texts, his usual affectionate self seems to have cooled off, and he is just not as present. If this scenario sounds familiar, you are definitely not alone. It is a confusing and often painful experience faced by many in the dating world. But the big question is, why does this happen? Is it a sign he is not into you, or perhaps something deeper, like a fear of commitment?

Here are some reasons why men might pull away just as things seem to be getting serious:

  1. Haunted by past heartbreaks and trust issues

Sometimes guys pull away in relationships because they have been hurt before. Think of it like this: if you have ever burned your hand on a hot stove, you are probably going to think twice before touching one again. It is similar to relationships. If a guy has had his heart broken or his trust shattered in the past, he might be extra cautious about opening up and trusting someone new. He is not doing it to be difficult but he is just trying to protect himself from getting hurt again.

In the book “Healing Your Heart When You’ve Been Hurt” by Jan Silvious, the author explains how past heartbreaks and trust issues can impact a person’s ability to open up in new relationships. Silvious uses simple and relatable language to describe how, just like avoiding a hot stove after being burned, individuals may be cautious in new relationships after being hurt in the past. 

  1. Scared to be emotionally vulnerable

Opening up and sharing deep feelings can be really scary for some guys. It is like standing on a stage in front of a crowd with a spotlight shining right on you. When a guy starts to feel like he is showing too much of his inner self, he might pull back a bit. It is not that he wants to be distant but he is just trying to shield himself from potential pain. Imagine sharing a secret and not knowing how it will be received, that uncertainty can make anyone want to step back and put their guard up.

In the book “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown, she explains how vulnerability can feel like standing in the spotlight with all eyes on you. She describes how sharing our innermost feelings and thoughts can make us feel exposed and uncertain. Brown discusses how this fear of potential pain and rejection can cause people, especially men, to hold back and put up emotional barriers. 

  1. Not ready for a serious relationship

Sometimes, even if a guy really likes you, he might not be ready to jump into something serious. Think of it like this: he might enjoy spending time with you and genuinely care about you, but the idea of a full-on commitment feels like too much, too soon. It is not about you but it is more about where he is in his life right now. Maybe he is focused on his career, or he just got out of a serious relationship and is not ready to dive back in yet.

In the book “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, the authors explain that sometimes a guy may genuinely like a person but is not ready for a serious relationship. They compare it to the idea of enjoying someone’s company and caring about them, but feeling that a full commitment is too much, too soon. 

  1. He does not feel like a priority to you

Imagine how it feels when you are not the main character in your own story but just a side character in someone else’s. If a guy senses he is always playing second fiddle to other parts of your life, like your job, friends, or hobbies, and he might start to wonder where he fits into your world.

It is not that he wants all of your attention all the time but he just wants to feel like he matters to you. If he feels overlooked, he might pull away to think things over and figure out if he is really getting what he needs. 

  1. Still carrying unresolved personal issues

Imagine it like you are trying to juggle too many balls at once. If a guy has a bunch of unresolved issues hanging over him, whether they are personal problems or work-related stress. It can be tough for him to focus on taking a relationship to the next level. He might really like you and want to move forward, but if he is dealing with a lot of other stuff, he might not feel ready to add a serious relationship into the mix just yet. 

  1. Wondering if you are truly compatible

Imagine you are really into a new song, and at first, it seems perfect, but the more you listen, the more you start to wonder if it actually fits your playlist. That’s kind of what it is like when a guy starts having doubts about whether he and his partner are truly a good match. Even if things started off great, he might begin to question how well you really sync up on the big things like values, life goals, or even everyday habits. 

These doubts can become especially strong if the relationship begins to get serious quickly. It is like he is pausing the music to think, “Are we really dancing to the same tune, or am I forcing my steps to match hers?” This wondering might make him pull back a bit to figure out if you two are really on the same path.

  1. Unsure about how strong their feelings are

Sometimes, a guy might hit the pause button on a relationship to figure out just how strongly he feels about you. It is a bit like when you taste a new dish and are not sure whether you really love it or just like it because it is new. He might have enjoyed the excitement of the early days, but as things get more serious, he starts to wonder if his feelings are deep enough to last long term. 

It is not that he wants to be distant but he is just taking a little time to sort through his emotions, making sure his heart is really in it before he fully commits. This step back is his way of making sure he is honest with both himself and you about where he stands.

  1. Feeling overwhelmed by how fast things are moving

If a guy feels like everything with you is speeding along quicker than he expected like getting serious really fast or making big plans together. He might instinctively tap the brakes to slow things down. It is not that he wants to stop the journey but he just wants to drive at a speed that feels safe and manageable, so he has time to enjoy the ride and make sure he is ready for everything coming down the road.

  1. Worried about losing their sense of freedom

Imagine how it feels when you are used to doing your own thing, and suddenly, it seems like every decision needs to be a group discussion. For some guys, even if they really like who they are dating, the idea of losing their freedom to go as they please can be pretty daunting. 

If a guy starts to feel like he is being tied down too soon, he might start pulling away a bit. It is not that he wants to end things or that he does not care but he is just trying to balance his need for independence with being in a relationship. He might need a little space to make sure he can still do his own thing while also being with someone else. 

  1. Caught between what he feels and what he thinks

Imagine being torn between heart and head—that is exactly what some guys go through in a relationship. If he is caught between strong feelings for you and his logical thoughts about the relationship, it can really throw him into a loop. He might feel deeply connected to you emotionally, but his brain might be ticking off reasons to be cautious. 

This internal tug-of-war can be confusing, making him pull back to try and sort things out. It is like he needs a time-out to clear his head and figure out what his heart really wants, ensuring he is making the right decision for both of you.

  1. Emotions get too intense for him

Sometimes when a guy is hit with really strong emotions, it can be a lot for him to handle, especially if he is not used to dealing with them. It is like when you suddenly have all these intense feelings and you are not sure how to handle them. So, he might need some space to sort through everything and figure out what to do with all these emotions. It is kind of like needing a breather to process everything before jumping back in. Just give him some time and he will come back around when he is ready to deal with it all.

  1. They do not know how to allow someone else in their heart

Not everyone is great at dealing with feelings in relationships. Some people find it really hard to let someone get close to them. It is like they are afraid of getting hurt, so they pull away instead. It is kind of like they do not know how to open up their heart to someone else. And that can make it tough for them to really connect with others in a deep way. We all have our own struggles. 

  1. He is just not into you anymore

It is tough to admit, but sometimes a guy’s feelings can change. It is important to be honest with yourself and recognize if he is just not into you anymore. It might hurt, but facing the truth is the first step to moving forward and finding someone who truly appreciates you. Remember, you deserve someone who is crazy about you!


Understanding why things are the way they are can really help make sense of tough times. It is important to talk about how you are feeling and what’s on your mind. Having open conversations can often clear up any confusion and make your relationship stronger and more honest. If you are going through this, try to have a chat about it. It might not be easy, but it is a good first step to figuring out what’s really going on underneath it all.

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